How to Talk to Your Child About Sexual Abuse

By Patricia Golden, DO, Wheaton Franciscan Medical Group

I recently fulfilled my civic duty by sitting on a jury case* a few weeks ago. As I sat and listened to the accounts of the witnesses and the accused, I realized how much work needs to be done not only as a parent, but also as a medical provider of children.

My case involved three young, innocent girls who were sexually abused by a “loved one” for almost eight years. One child was violated beginning at the age of 7 by her father. The second girl was the child of the accused man’s girlfriend and was sexually assaulted starting at the age of 12. The third young girl was the friend of the two above children and was raped while attending a birthday party at the girls’ North Shore home at the age of 14. I watched the tears roll down each girl’s face as she gave the horrifying details of her personal violation. I realized that each girl had their innocence ripped away from her without their permission and that for each of them, their self value may forever be a struggle.

A lot of questions went through my mind… why hadn’t their parents done anything to protect them? Why hadn’t they told a teacher, a doctor, a friend’s parent? Did anyone try to ask? And then it hit me.

As a parent, it is our duty to talk to our children and to ask the difficult questions. As a doctor, it is also my duty to do the same. Childhood sexual assault and abuse happens across all cultures, races, denominations and financial backgrounds. It doesn’t only happen in the poor communities. The case I reviewed took place in a home within a prominent North Shore suburb.

Here are some things  parents should consider talking to their children about:

1. Discuss different types of touching. Proper touching vs. inappropriate touching.
2. Listen to your children. If they do not feel comfortable around others, do not make them give people hugs and kisses if they do not want to.
3. Let your children know that there are people that they can talk to if needed. Teachers, school counselors, their doctor, are all people available to help them. Children need to keep telling someone until someone listens.
4. Get to know your child’s friends’ families. CCAP is an online tool in which you can enter the names of persons to find out if anyone has had any crimes or violations against them.

As a doctor who cares for children, I ask parents not to be uncomfortable when I begin to ask the difficult questions as well. I remind children that it is my duty to keep them safe. No one has a right to touch them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. No one has a right to violate their innocence.

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* Court permission was obtained prior to posting.